Can I just say that this whole growing up thing blows chunks? I hate having to budget my money and remember to pay my bills and arranging to have people RSVP before coming to a party. It sucks. I know people who are not too much older than me who are getting married/ are married/ are having children. It hit me earlier this semester that I was officially getting old. I have to start thinking about my future, and crap like that. In three and a half semesters I (hopefully) graduate from college, and enter the real world. And then what? Everything is going to change. Suddenly my friends will be getting married, and I’ll have to wear awful bridesmaids’ dresses and pretend I like the person they’re marrying. I’ll have to watch them flashing around rings, and talking non-stop about their future plans. Then they’ll start having kids, and I’ll get hokey Christmas cards with pictures of lumpy-headed, drooling babies, and demon-spawn toddlers and have to lie and say how cute they are. People will try to set me up with their husband’s friends, and brothers, and co-workers. If I’m attached, people will begin asking when I’m getting married. People will start talking about biological clocks and making ticking noises. My friends won’t be able to go out and party with me anymore. There will be no more sitting around, playing drinking games and gossiping on Friday nights. When I hook up with random guys, they’ll shake their heads and comment on how all I really need is to grow up and find a steady man. I’ll be expected to have a job where I actually wake up before 9:30, and can’t skip when I partied too hard the night before. I won’t be able to mooch off my parents. When I move away, I’ll have to make new friends in a non-school setting. How do you do that, anyway? All my friends I either met at school, or through people I knew from school, or from school-esque activites. How do adults not in the city they went to college/grew up in make friends? At the laundromat? At work? And do I have to start calling myself an adult now? Am I an adult? All this shit makes me want to scream.

What started this rant? Well people have started getting August MCAT scores back, which then caused people to start talking about future plans. And then I started thinking about how this mystical “future” thing that was so vague and distant is suddenly breathing down my neck. It’s mostly not as bad as seniors have it, I guess, but I figure in a way it’s got to be worse. Seniors are narrowing down their choices, and looking at where they want to go to grad school/med school/ law school and applying to those places. Or they’re going job fairs to find companies that suit their interests and are where they want to be. They’re making things happen. I’m basically sitting still, petrified, watching this “future” thing come closer and closer while wishing like crazy that time could freeze for a few years, and let me get used to the whole college thing before kicking me out into the real world. I suppose I could make things happen for me too, I see tons of my friends already doing it, but the problem is I don’t know where to start. I have NO CLUE what I’m even remotely interested in doing with my life. I don’t even know where to start looking. UGH!! Major freaking chunks being blown here. Life sucks.