Drafting Team Members

Okay, I disappeared again. Fortunately the semester’s winding down and I have a ton of work to do, so I’m predictably procrastinating my ass off.

You’re welcome.

Anyway…

One of my favorite single girl bloggers refers to her dating life in basketball terms. Specifically, she handles her love life much as a general manager would handle a team: putting together a roster of quality players each of whom bring something different to the table while she hopes to discover the next big superstar, breakout player.

Prior to reading her take on things, I’d been wondering how people actually date several guys at once. Do you tell them all about each other? Is it more of a DADT situation? How long do you keep them around? Thanks to Mademoiselle HauteMess, I’ve begun to figure this thing out. My perspective?  I’m drafting for a fantasy football league.

Really.

The end goal, of course, is to find a good quarterback. Not just an average “gets the job done sometimes” kinda guy, but a hall-of-famer. I’m looking for the kind of QB who’s great under pressure, knows the playbook in and out, and can run the entire offense on his own while still being a good team player. He doesn’t have to be the most athletic, but he should have accuracy, integrity, and be great in a post-game interview, even after a loss. He’ll need to be loyal (none of this Brett Favre wishy-washy BS), think on his feet, and be able to rally the team when she’s feeling down because of an overloaded school schedule or the fact that the DVR erased the last two episodes of Project Runway that she had TOTALLY intended to watch sometime in the next month. It’s also helpful if he has a great sense of humor and can make fun of himself occasionally.

In short, I’m looking for a Peyton Manning.

THIS ^

Of course, since players like that are once in a lifetime deals, in the meantime, I’m going to have to draft players who can at least bring something to the team. At the moment, school has prohibited some of my drafting, but I’m fully prepared to start rebuilding the roster once the semester winds down in a few weeks.

Here’s the most recent roster moves:

Team Member: Double-O Seven: The International Man of Mystery

Position: Running Back – While aggressive, 007 is definitely more of a finesse runner. Able to wiggle through almost non-existent holes in the offensive line and make quick cut backs, if you’re not precise in your tackling technique, before you know it, this back and the football will be gone.

History: 007 worked out with the team for a while, but made it quite clear that he was an unrestricted agent and intended to remain so until he found contract terms he agreed with. During workouts and contract negotiations, however, the coach found him to be inconsistent and somewhat of a prima donna despite glaring flaws in his performance (which he refused, of course, to acknowledge). 007 was witnessed phoning it in on plays in which his numbers weren’t called, routinely showed a lack of regard for the well-being of the franchise. Finally 007 was not at all subtle in shopping around for other teams with more room under their salary cap for his demands.  

Roster Status: Released

Team Member: Mr. Camry

Position: Offensive Lineman – Mr. Camry is a dependable blocker on basic pass plays, but tends to get confused on more complex blocking schemes and has a tendency to get called for holding on running plays. Mr. Camry needs routine and consistency in order to truly be successful in the line-up.

History: Mr. Camry’s need for routine and consistent play calling is comforting in 1^st downs, but it makes him out of place in a typically dynamic offensive that likes to capitalize off of exciting, unpredictable game play. Camry also seems occasionally oblivious to audible situations, and has trouble reading the defense, instead remaining focused on the one block he needs to make in any given situation. For the moment Mr. Camry has a position in the starting line-up, but everyone knows how impossible it is to move a lineman to quarterbacking position.

Roster Status: Active, but may be traded for a more versatile player

Sadly enough, that’s where the roster stands at the moment. Clearly I’m in need of some serious drafting.

It has occurred to me, of course, that I may be prematurely judging Mr. Camry. Lest anyone think I’m simply sport dating, I do genuinely like him and enjoy my time with him; I’m just uncertain as to whether he can keep up with me in the long-term. I suppose we’ll find out…