Today was one of those days that thoroughly sucked. I won’t go into detail, because, let’s be honest, no one cares, and additionally I don’t feel like living through it all again. Suffice to say that no one big thing happened to make the day bad, just a series of little things which added up to equal thorough badness. I feel like the day would have moved itself up from being sucky to being ok if only I had a CD player in my car.

Yep, that’s right, shallow I know, but really, music can change my mood instantaneously, and I probably would be a much happier girl if only I could have heard some decent music today. Unfortunately, seeing as my brand new-to-me car only has a radio in it (not even a tape player. Who the hell wants a car with only a radio? There are some real sickos out there). Anyway, it basically meant I was at the mercy of the radio stations, and let me just say that a full week of listening to nothing but radio has done nothing to disprove my theory that over 95% people in the U.S. are either morons or sheep. Usually both.

The number one problem with the radio is the DJ’s. They like to talk all the damn time about stupid crap. I’m in my car on the way home, so do I care that some loser DJ and some screaming fourteen year old junior cheerleaders are at a car wash 35 miles away? Or that some skanky chicks are enjoying some “bomb-ass” party that’s going down right that second on the other side of town? Of course not. But I’m bombarded by ten minutes of this kind of crap after only 2 songs, and before 15 minutes of commercials. It doesn’t help that 75% of the radio stations in St. Louis are owned by one company ( I HATE Clear Channel). When all their stations go on commercial at the same freaking time, I can’t even hear different ads; just the same stuff over and over (although I gotta admit that I like the Budweiser ‘Real Men of Genious’ ads). Anyway, after the commercials end, the music starts, and often times I wish it hadn’t. Besides the fact that the same songs are played all the time, and often on different stations at the same time, ( thanks again Clear Channel!) by the time I finish hitting every pre-set button on my radio a million times, I’m almost ready to drive in silence, which is an unnatural state for me. Anyway, I figure I’ve hit that first “getting old” landmark, because the majority of the songs on the radio right now annoy the crap out of me. I listen to 6 main radio stations (because I only have that many pre-program buttons): two hip-hop/ r&b stations, a Top 40 station, a hits of the 80’s and 90’s station, an alternative rock station, and occasionally an oldies station. You’d think with all these options, SOMETHING good would be on at all times, but apparently, that’s not the case. Here are the songs that I hate the most right now:

Ginuwine “What’s up in Yo Jeans”
First of all, I think Ginuwine is completely out of touch with real people. No normal guy could ever get away with asking a girl if there was “anymore room for him in her jeans.” And what kind of dumb shit is that anyway? How did he think of that song? That sounds like something some obnoxious stank breath guy working at Wal-mart, or riding around in his momma’s 1982 Plymouth would say. Just gross and sketchy in general.

Jewel “Follow Your Heart”
I’m not sure if that’s the actual name of the song, but it’s close enough. Despite the fact that 85% of this song is sung in a breathy, high pitched voice that makes understanding the actual words impossible, I managed to hear enough to know it sucks. How original is “follow your heart, your intuition…” etc, etc. I mean, really, I seem to remember Jiminy Cricket saying something like that as well. Him and every other feel good sap on the planet. What happened, Jewel? Jewel’s old music sounded like poetry; you could tell the words really meant something to her. This crap sounds like the money is what means something to her. If it were poetry, it’d be something a 5th grader would write. It’s boring, unoriginal, and unemotional drivel.

Metallica “St. Anger”
This song sucks, hands down. All the thrashing guitars and banging drums in the world can’t cover up the fact that this song is about a whole lot of not-a-damn-thing. The lyrics are crusty and dull and the music itself nearly rendered me comatose. It just goes to remind me why I never liked Metallica in the first place.

Kelly Clarkson “Miss Independent”
Aside from the fact that I don’t particularly like Kelly Clarkson, I was ready to give her song a chance. I even listened to the whole thing before I decided it was stupid, and a waste of my freaking time. I can’t pinpoint what exactly it is that I hate about this song, but the word, everything, comes to mind. If Christina Aguiliera rejected it from her album, what made Kelly think it was good enough for hers? (ok, I know it’s been a big hit. See the above statements about sheep and morons). What Kelly did is the equivalent of George eating a donut out of the trashcan on Seinfeld. Just because it’s on a doily, doesn’t mean it’s not trash. If someone put it in the can, it should be left there. Sheesh. A New York music critic recently commented that Kelly had the “stage grace of a Shetland Pony.” Appropriately enough, this song is a total turd.

Anyway, there are many other songs on the radio that make me want to puke, but it would take several days to get through them all, so I guess I’ll leave it at that.

Oh, and I'm brain dead from stupid organic chemistry, so if this is incoherent, I apologize.